Friday, June 27, 2008

Really really Bad Mood

I'm feeling bored, I feel that I'm not doing anything, I'm not having a time to do a thing for my self, I'm really missing to be at home for a long time with my familly while I'm seeing them every day, but at the same time I feel I miss them a lot, I don't have the time to sit down and talk with my mother like before, I'm not doing what I used to do before, I used to be a lone for hours writing my diarys, listen to music, watch TV till late hours of night, get to the interenet and chat with my sister and friends for hours, and U'm realy missing my sister, painting, cleaning the house, arranging my room, help my mother in cooking, meet my friends every week or call them from time to time, even talking to my fiance for late hours..
I'm not finding the time to be as I used to be, I feel like there is something has changed in me, and this is really hurts me so bad, I'm not sure if my familly realy feels like there is something changed in me, but I do feel it.
I'm not taking care of my self, I'm not eating well, I'm not sleeping in a good way, sometimes I sleep well and for more than 8 hours a day, and sometimes less than 8 hours.
I'm not able to arrange my time because I already don't have any!
the weather is hot, it is realy hot. The work time is realy long long time, which is really something bothering me!!! desperately!!...
I know that many people want to be in my place, because I found a job while most of my friends and people I know are still searching, but the problem is I'm bored of everything.
I don't want to live in gloominess, I know I should be happy and satisfied no matter what, because I have the reasonable causes for that but I'm not helping my self, even my father when he sees me smiling and talking about what happened at work and how was my day he says "I really want to see you like this everyday you come from work".
I know I should be happy because I have a lot of good events happened in my life, I graduated, I got engaged to the man I love, I found a good work, My familly and fiance are ok, my sister is happy with her achievements, so what else I need? what else I don't have? what do I want? I don't want to be like this, I don't want to be ungrateful to everything that God gave me..
maybe it is just a phaze that I'm going throuhg, I know I can get all these thoughs out of my mind, sooner or later..

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Random thoughts

Hello everyone..

There is nothing new these days, the summer is hot, the streets still busy. I missing my friends to much because I didn't see them from a long time, because most of us are busy with work or with new events like my friend R. she got engaged, she is a good, lovely and a shy girl, I really wished to be with her in every moment of the engagement party but I couldn't, because I have work and I don't know how is it in the area where she lives.

She always calls me or sends me Sms's when she want to know something, or ask me for advice, she told me one day : "Micho I feel that you're like a mother for all your friends". She really ask me about any thing she want to do before she do it. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Let me tell you about a book, it is "Cosmic Ordering, how to make your dreams come true", by Jonathan Cainer. I found this book among the books of my sister Morbido, she has a really nice library, all her books are interesting, so as I promised my self to read books in english as much as I can, I started with this book, It is a nice one, it doesn't talks about how we made our dreams come true in a way like a magic, no, it talks about how we satuisfy with the donations of God, and how we know whether what we wish for is really worth to ask for or not.
As I understood from this book, you feel like there is someone talks to you, he is a guardien angel, who makes all your wishes come true, I felt like he is a God, who wants to tell people that he is here for them, anywhere and anytime, and asks us to be open minded! And think a lot before we make a wish, or ask God for something, or even before we do any thing, and I'm sure this is something important.
I didn't finish this book yet, but I wanted to tell you about it, and if any one of you have read this book, would you share your perspective about it!..
I will be absent for the next two weeks for medical reasons, don't worry my friends, Inshallah everything will be ok. So take care and wish me luck, I will wait for your comments.