I'm feeling bored, I feel that I'm not doing anything, I'm not having a time to do a thing for my self, I'm really missing to be at home for a long time with my familly while I'm seeing them every day, but at the same time I feel I miss them a lot, I don't have the time to sit down and talk with my mother like before, I'm not doing what I used to do before, I used to be a lone for hours writing my diarys, listen to music, watch TV till late hours of night, get to the interenet and chat with my sister and friends for hours, and U'm realy missing my sister, painting, cleaning the house, arranging my room, help my mother in cooking, meet my friends every week or call them from time to time, even talking to my fiance for late hours..
I'm not finding the time to be as I used to be, I feel like there is something has changed in me, and this is really hurts me so bad, I'm not sure if my familly realy feels like there is something changed in me, but I do feel it.
I'm not taking care of my self, I'm not eating well, I'm not sleeping in a good way, sometimes I sleep well and for more than 8 hours a day, and sometimes less than 8 hours.
I'm not able to arrange my time because I already don't have any!
the weather is hot, it is realy hot. The work time is realy long long time, which is really something bothering me!!! desperately!!...
I know that many people want to be in my place, because I found a job while most of my friends and people I know are still searching, but the problem is I'm bored of everything.
I don't want to live in gloominess, I know I should be happy and satisfied no matter what, because I have the reasonable causes for that but I'm not helping my self, even my father when he sees me smiling and talking about what happened at work and how was my day he says "I really want to see you like this everyday you come from work".
I know I should be happy because I have a lot of good events happened in my life, I graduated, I got engaged to the man I love, I found a good work, My familly and fiance are ok, my sister is happy with her achievements, so what else I need? what else I don't have? what do I want? I don't want to be like this, I don't want to be ungrateful to everything that God gave me..
maybe it is just a phaze that I'm going throuhg, I know I can get all these thoughs out of my mind, sooner or later..
The Middle East, version 2.0.
8 months ago